ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
