i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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