..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
