So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
