If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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