Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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