he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
