they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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