Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
