So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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