I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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