Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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