i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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