My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i need some magic done to my vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
