I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
