haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
