I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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