at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
