His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
