I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I want a musical about memes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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