I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You did what with his pubic hair?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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