I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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