First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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