you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
