I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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