My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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