he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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