I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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