Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
