WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just invented taco cereal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
