I hate all girls vehemently.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
