My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
