Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize