how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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