I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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