i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
