I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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