we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
