Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
