If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
