This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
