Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its not stalking. its research.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
