dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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