Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
