i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
