she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
