he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
