So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
