i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
