Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
