the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
