That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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