Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
