if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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