The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
