Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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