you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Success! We fucked roommates!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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