I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
