A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
