Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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