this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
