im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
