No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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