just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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